Everytime I think about you, I get second thoughts. Second thoughts of continuing, of loving, of jealousy, of envy, of greed and of insecurity. In fact, I want to be with you, in every step of the way. In every waking moment of my life. In every heartache, joy, disgust, you know it.
You might be the reason for me to cease what I´ve been doing ´bad´ for so long. I consider this ´bad´ cause it´s not just my well-being that´s affected but also of my[our] friends. Sometimes I wish I didn´t start but at times I do.
When I take the elevator down to have a ´break´ I stop and reassess myself. Thinking about how people view this side of me that everyone has gotten to know. I don´t want to be judge as a ´bad´ person just because I have this vice. This vice of mine was a fluke... a wrong, spontaneous, compulsive act I did in the time I was bombarded with ´over-stress´where I felt that the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I was at a vulnerable and confused state at that time and had to relieve it by this act. Insofar, I have gotten used to it. 3 years of tarnishing my reputation. 3 years of hanging with the wrong people, etc. Now, I feel that it´s time to stop and you might just be the reason for me stopping.
I don´t ask for you to be with me every minute of every day (though I wish that was possible) but the mere thought of you in my mind, I can lessen. I can say No. I don´t have too.
